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House 1411

"Hello? Hello?? I'm sorry, there's nobody home right now. [ obnoxious peal of laughter: go ]

Ahh, that's right! Leave a message, and I'll get back to you. Right? That's how it goes? Aha, no telemarketers, please!

If you run up my bill, I'll have to ask you to pay the extra costs.

[ BEEP ]

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her stupid guinea pigs wont shut the fuck up she took 4 who wants 4 guinea pigs who wants 1 guinea pig ?

[ shit ]

are you sure
what about kaede? meguro?
have they seen her?

i aint asked last time it was fine she was just napping

if she were napping she wouldve been home
right?

maybe here or there its 2 cold 2 nap outside now even 4 us

badou

[ and he hates saying it, hates even having to, but hasn't he made a point of it? speaking with him with honesty? straight-forward and up-front? isn't that what he wanted? would want? ]

i think she's gone

[he knows. he knew before he sent the text, somewhere in an empty gut, but his brain feels slow and numb and unable to process anything, and that's the only part of him that he uses]

[it takes him back, to the dumpster food and the running fear and the sickslick infection times. people disappear all the time, where they're from. you didn't make friends with other kids on the street because of shit like this. you didn't let it hurt you]

[but she'd been his friend, his first real friend, one who he wasn't related to]

[badou stands in nill's room, still decorated with the stained glass windows he'd photographed for her, and doesn't know what to do]

i dontunderstandd

[it's not that he doesn't understand she's gone; he just doesn't understand why this keeps happening, why he can't help but bleed people he cares about, over and over]

neither do i

[ not how she's gone, not how she's up and left.

why do kids like this have to endure the pain of loss? at so young an age? it's unfair. it's horrible. it's shitty. it's nothing he can do anything to prevent, it's nothing that he can do anything to help. it's a frustration that'll never entirely relent, a regret he'll never entirely let go of.

he wants to offer badou encouragement, he wants to offer support and pretty words, promises and hopes for the future. he wants a hope that this kid will smile and laugh and feel some semblance of happiness even in this, but sakamoto knows better

he's learned, still learning, that none of that is in this boy's future. feels that it's nothing badou will allow himself. ]

what are you going to do

i doont know

[it's honesty hour; shocked out of him with that electric snap of hurt, new but familiar, numb but overloaded]

i dontthink im sad/ or pissed or anything ? ip dont know

[ shock, he thinks. overwhelmed? he wonders ]

what do you want right now

[he thinks very seriously about destroying nill's room, tearing it apart, the sheets and the furniture and the pictures on the walls, and after a moment, dismisses the idea; if he starts ripping things up, he's not sure he'll be able to stop at the room]

[he's not sure he'll want to stop at the room, because he doesn't want to be anything, he doesn't want to think, he doesn't want anything but maybe -- ]

a s moke

are you willing to share

[his brother would always share a smoke, with anyone, even though he was always running low, always two packs too short. smoker's karma, he'd laugh at Badou, ruffling his hair; it's the only good karma i got!]

[it was stupid, it was wasteful, it was unappreciated, it was just like all of them, that crawled from the pit to here]

no

[he doesn't need any fucking good karma.]

what a scrooge

[ it always hurts, those times when he knows a good path is closed to someone else. it hurts knowing there's so little that can be done about it. ]

see you at work

[ the world moves on, it seems to suggest. don't fall behind ]

[he doesn't need the reminder; he and his brother were born running]

[ NO ANSWER ]

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